Thanks to Annabel at Feed Me I’m Cranky who sparked my thoughts for today in her post regarding Body Image.
It got me thinking about where my own personal concept of “ideal self” came from, and how it was formed.
My main comment to Annabel’s post was that for me, my “ideal” self was always a fluid concept. Whomever I was seeking approval from (family, boyfriends, popular girls, teammates, etc) determined my ideal. Not to say I wanted to *be* them, but I wanted to be what *they* thought was ideal.
In elementary school, the kids calling me Miss Piggy obviously made me want to be thinner, but I instantly became aware of *every* way in which I was different than the other kids.
My hair was straight (it was the 80’s, and straight hair was out).
My clothes were different.
My shoes weren’t cool enough.
….you get the picture….
In junior high and high school, I excelled in choir and sports. I wanted so badly to dress/act/look like my teammates, who were the ‘pretty’ popular girls. I cut my hair in a short bob, started tanning, and worked out hours a day.
In college, I dated different types of guys. Rocker guy. Athlete guy. Artistic Guy. Slacker Guy. My wardrobe, hair, and persona changed as they did. My weight (and the length of my hair) fluctuated based on their ‘acceptance’.
Now, I have an amazing Husband who loves me 100% for who I am (even if he misses my long hair a little bit!) :)
I think it’s so odd that I can look at celebrities and think “oh she’s beautiful”, and the list encompasses all sizes, shapes, and backgrounds. However I still struggle to accept myself for what and who I am.
I think I’ve come a long way from where I started this journey, but I’ve got a lot more self-discovery and affirmation yet to do.
What was your moment of clarity? How did you reach it?
Are you still searching for one?
The Novel Is Out! So What Next?
1 week ago
LOVE THE QUESTION.
ReplyDeletemy moment of clarity came when I realized why I wanted to be strong, why I wanted NOT to carry around 30 extra el bees around my waist, when it CLICKED for me that it had zero to do with the VESSEL and all to do with living longer and a more energetic life so I could help others.
MizFit
This is a great post and a terrific question. As an almost life-long people-pleaser (seeking everyone else's approval rather than my own) I came across a quote by a female navy admiral that went something like, "Sometimes it is easier to apologize than to ask permission." I suddenly realized that my whole life had been about looking for permission from others and it stopped me cold. I began taking stock of the people in my life and weeded out the toxic ones - even a sibling. It is still a struggle but one that gets easier with time and more self-awareness/acceptance.
ReplyDeleteWish I was as smart as you when I was younger. It would've saved me a lot of grief.
My moment of clarity came with age. Too bad I wasted my 20's being worried about what everyone thought of me ! I am finally at the point in my life where I know exactly who I am, and what I want. I have also , since my weight loss found that I accept the body I've got ( no boobs, loose skin, and too tall) and I just make the most of what I have and forget about the rest.....it is all out of my control. I also have a great husband, and I think being loved unconditionally, flaws and all makes you that much stronger in your acceptence of who you are !
ReplyDeleteFor me, no "moment" of clarity, it's all a process!
ReplyDeleteI feel like there are so many ways in which I could still be better at accepting myself, but it does get better as I get older.